She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize