lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
