You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
