My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
