I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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