I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
