I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
