Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
