I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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