eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
