Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
