they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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