Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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