if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
