I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We need to rekindle our bromance
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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