i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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