respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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