I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
