dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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