Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
