He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
