I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
