He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
