You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
