Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
