I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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