I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize