omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
