With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
