I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize