...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
