yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
