i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
