I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
