i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
