captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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