I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
