Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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