Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
