when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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