i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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