I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
