I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
