so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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