Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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