Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
