"it" just moved
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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