3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
