my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
