went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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