But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can I color on your dick again?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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