either way he was missing a nipple.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
