I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
