i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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