:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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