He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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