i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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