you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
