Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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