I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Help. Why am I so naked?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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