Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
