If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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