the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
