I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
