smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
