Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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