he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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