On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
